Two in one month? Not bad for me. Anyway, I'm about to be hit by Hurricane Irene, but I'm well supplied and should be just fine. I decided to throw in a reference to it in this chapter. I'll probably lose power at some point tonight but as long as I can make it through this hurricane I'll be sure to have more writing coming. Shit this has been a rough one. My quest for batteries was bad enough. I'll detail it later. Enjoy the chapter.

So begins a new book. I don't have much left to write. So stay with me. In other news I have completed my masters requirements, and now have more time for job searches and writing. Once I get employed (if) everything may start falling into place for me. Sorry for the lateness of this chapter and the brevity of this update.

Is there a bigger rock god alive today that can best Dace Grohl? I don't think so. I'm sitting here listening to the blistering "Winnebago" with its frantic and pulsing drum line and ripping verses strung together with a brilliant arpeggio hook played ad nauseum to the effect of "I want you (she's so heavy)" proportions, and I have to remind myself that this was recorded when I was in fifth grade. This is what Dave was doing when he was, as he measured, just filling in the drum spot for Nirvana, unaware that he was about to launch into an international tour that would change rock forever. Then to recover a scant one year after the suicide of Kurt Cobain and form the Foo Fighters out of nothing to play an ingenious, innovative album Which he was the soul creative force behind? Goddamn. Then you think about all the brilliant shows and albums that the Foos have engineered powering past near breakups, heartbreaking member oustings, and some very personal internal conflicts the likes of which could have shattered any other band I could name, and to stick it out to make the kind of true-blood honest, powerful rock n' roll that never loses its humility and never apologizes as only the Foos could deliver for nearly two decades? Holy shit. That's not even counting his contributions to bands and musicians like Tenacious D, Brian May, Jimmy Page, Paul-fucking-McCartney, not to mention the side-project to end all side projects: Them crooked vultures tapping John Paul-Jones, the stalwart of the Led Zeppelin sound and merging it with the relentless rock of Queens of the stone age. Exactly how much musical brilliance can one man draw to himself? Dave, you're awesome. You're the man. I've seen the Foos live twice, and the surprise show at NYC for the release of Echoes, Silence, Patience, Grace was the penultimate experience of rock 'n roll that I have ever personally witnessed (Sorry, man, I saw Buddy Guy live this year) Thank you, thank you, thank you Dave Grohl. The new album is incredible, and I can't wait to hear what's next.

OK. With that out of the way, I'm putting out two editions today to make up for the fall behind last month. I plan to write a lot more once my Masters thesis is absolutely out the door, and I'm done with the GRE. Ph.D program, here I come *Fingers crossed*.

Christ. If anyone is out there, if anyone can read this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a slow writer. There is no excuse for it, and of course for this story I decided to draft in what turns out to be the slowest possible method for production. I've been watching years go by as I plod through this book chapter by chapter with the story on my mind on average twice a day. I don't think this is a remarkable or even particularly honest piece that I'm assembling. It's just that it is the story that happens to be on my mind right now. I didn't know where it was going when I started, and now I don't particularly know where it's headed. My goal is ten books. I have to get going because at that rate the thing won't be wrapped until I'm like 35, maybe 40. I'm not going to blame it on my work towards my masters. I studied hard when I needed to and still managed to find SOME free time when I COULD have been writing. I'm not going to blame my inexperience or my lack of motivation. No, what I blame is my refusal to write until I knew what was going to happen next. Back in 2005 the story just was coming out without any need to push or guide or prod because it was written. It was in my head. It was there already. I was just putting it down. Now it's like even the smallest, minuscule detail being uncertain can halt the gears at any given fucking time. What really gets me going is when the one detail that confounds me doesn't even make it into the draft. It stays a mental block that held me up but in the end, apparently, wasn't even worth noting.

What I really need is a writing partner. Years ago when I was writing shitty online fanfiction as an outlet I worked with a guy by the name of Alex. I would read his work he would read mine, and even though we were just fan-wanking our days away, and even though the work (Mine anyway) wasn't that good, who cares? You're 18. You're a kid. You like writing? Fucking do it. I'm not ashamed to say that it was one of my most productive writing times. As soon as he and I ceased sending drafts to one another it all slowed down for me. I suppose this is the rate for which I write for myself, and that's piteously slow.

Oh, A1-Alex. If only you could read what I got now. I'm not the stupid kid, I'm the confused adult. Also, for any writers or critics out there that want to get down on Fanfic writers, go to Hell. I don't think it will make a bad writer good, or a good writer better, no. What it will do is ENCOURAGE WRITING. I've never read a fanfic that was worth a hardback copy (that definitely includes mine) but it ENCOURAGES WRITING. All you writers write. To all the fanfic writers out there do it and know when it's time to stop re-processing someone else's work, and time to make your own. There are more than enough critics, and worse, creators out there who trash fan fiction. I for one love it because it ENCOURAGES WRITING. Do it. Write. Then write your own works. Nobody reads it, who cares? Nobody likes it, who cares? Who cares indeed. You have a story, it won't leave your head, write it. Write it for writing's sake, not for readings sake. Be the artist who makes a statue and leaves it in a public square for everyone else to make sense of. Be Banksy. Every other writer on the planet is obsessed with their name and the credit they deserve and how much other writers are beneath them, fuck them. WRITE! Christ. If anyone is out there, if anyone can read this, write! That's what I have to tell myself every fucking day when this story just won't go forward.

There may be such a thing as a bad book, there is no such thing as a bad draft.

Whatever this story needs I just hope it comes out in the next year. Sometimes I want to lock myself in a white painted room with no doors, and just overhead lighting with about five writers notebooks. 2 weeks. It'd be over.

The Second book has been re-drafted. This is a comparatively minor re-draft from the overhaul I did on book one. I Found that there were some pretty major continuity errors in this volume which made me quite Upset with myself. In later books I had written Sylvia's mother's name as Dorothy Jenks, and that her father is Evan Dolittle. I did this not remembering that in book 2 I had Sylvia's mother as Brenda Jenks, and that her father's last name was Holliday. You might be surprised at just how much that ticked me off. The changes have been made to Book 2 which correspond with later drafts. Oh yeah, and I just turned 31 a few days ago. Still doesn't feel much different than 27, which honestly didn't feel much different from 18.

Blog Archive

Final month of 2010, and I've had a very neutral year. My research was accomplished, my writing has been fairly constant (if not quite as rapid as I'd liked) but I've been unemployed for some time now, and I'm kind of desperate for some type of work to supplement my schooling. Still, the free time has afforded me the opportunity to do something I've been looking for an excuse to do: Re-draft book 1. I have done so and tried to change the language to make this book more readable. I've also gone back and altered some things that conflicted with continuity. I'll be doing this through the book. There are many small errors that I don't want to let slip by.

Today I want to bitch about the front page. As you can plainly see the entire front page is composed with HTML that I hand-write in notepad. I started doing my own HTML more than a decade ago and now I still like to type it all up by hand. This means my site is bare-bones and out dated, and that's just the way I want it. Just like I wanted the novel to be stark and raw in whatever happened I wanted a super basic homepage to match. Well that, coupled with the fact that I can't code php, perl or draw worth a damn to make comics. Anyway, I like that I can review the code and make sure everything in my page is simple to edit. Now, however I am seeing that my HTML is being altered automatically. Tags I didn't write in are appearing in the new web page and these artifacts are even present in the code now, since my computer containing the original HTML documents has been fried. It's not a huge complaint and I'll definitely work around it, but dammit, I like that my front page is hand-made HTML, I take giddy kiddie pride in it.

Well, recently my computer, which I hated since the day I bought it, finally died. This computer lasted less than one year and did nothing but overheat, crash and it could not run a 3d program to save its life. The only real sob story to be told is that now my only computing option is my sadly outdated and slow Toshiba laptop without a working monitor and I don't have the money to make the jump up. Still, you reading this now is proof enough that it's just enough. Even though I'm a little in the hole tech wise right now, I can still bring you chapters as they are drafted up.

In other news, I'd like to send a thanks out to Waffle Jones from deviantART. I won her Kiriban (Free art) contest and as a result she produced the first artwork for the novel:

I have never met my goal in terms of the rate at which I write this online novel. The fact that I did not update during all of August is proof enough of that. I get easily sidetracked and my method to writing being to only write when the urgency is there means that there is too much down time between updates. My hope one day is to be in such a situation and a mode where I can release an edition once every two weeks. This will make drafting the handwritten segments a bit hellish and put me under pressure but I think pressure to do this writing is something I may truly need.

I've got no topic today, so here is a list of some major writing influences on this story:
The late Michael Chrichton; who's books I devoured in Middle school because they had all the drama and science a growing geek loves.
Chuck Palahniuk; Who I also had a cult thing for at about the turn of the millenium. He really inspires me as a writer to push boundries in content while avoiding self indulgance.
Mark Twain; Wit, wisdom and adventure. Huck finn was a very important book for me in high school.
Paul Zindel; Wierd one, I know, but reading the Pigman was also a big moment for me in high school. This new idea was introduced to me that you could put sex in a story, and not have it ruin or override it.
John Krakaur; Into the wild. 'Nuff said.
Cormac McCarthhy; Just because I read "The Road" earlier this year, and it angered me because from the onset I wanted the prose in Three Weasels to be bare bones, and then I read this book which just oozes lush wording. This sometimes makes me hault to try to finesse my sentances a bit more.
Finally, Joe Klein and Everett True Both of whom put together brilliant biographies of two of my musical favorites; Woody Guthrie and Nirvana.

There are, naturally, many other influences in a literary sense but these authors I think as of right now have very much shaped the delivery and what I am going for with this online novel. I need more women authors, though. I look like such a sexist reader.

This edition of my writing blog profile thing will cover the secrets that I have so far hidden in the story. First of all is the city in which the novel takes place. I've been there but never lived there, only passed through. Just to confirm this is a major US city, and the clues are sparse as of yet but more will come. Next I will say that the year(s) in which the story take place will not be revealed. However, this one should be very easy to figure out based on the novels context alone. Finally: so far there have been two secret characters who are not quite what they seem to be. I plan in the future to have one more secret character in coming chapters, so pay attention and see if you can figure out who is really something out of this world.

This, to me, seems like the perfect time to discuss Arthur. I visited Brian an old college friend of mine over last weekend, and we had a little writing workshop together with Scott, another long time college chum. Many debates were had, stories were exposed and flushed, and we watched all of Neon Genesis Evangelion. One of the big discussions I had was about Arthur. You see Brian is a licensed councilor, so in his profession he has come across many individuals who suffer from Bipolar and manic depressive disorders. I wanted his professional opinion on just how someone with a Bipolar spectrum disorder would act and even think in order to get a bead on where I am with Arthur as a character. It was good to talk with him, and we talked at length as how I was to present someone with this disorder.

You see I don't think I did enough research into Manic depression ahead of this story, I bought a text on it, but lost the text when I was roughly a quarter of the way through. Beginning The Three Weasels I tried to read into depressing poetry and essays but nothing I did really put me in touch with the character. After I basically abandoned the scientific approach I just went with how I emotionally feel connected to Arthur.

Arthur's got it all. Money, looks, prestige, freedom, talent, power, lovers, intelligence, nothing is out of Arthurs grasp except his own emotions. What I ultimately decided to go with may not be close to realistic clinical manic depression or bipolar disorder, but I just wanted a character that was feeling the 'wrong things.' I think of it like George Bailey in "It's a wonderful life." What I noticed about that movie is that whatever people in town are feeling, George feels the opposite. When the townspeople are scared, he's calm, when they are fighting the war, he's keeping the peace, when everyone else is celebrating Christmas, he's contemplating suicide. That's the kind of effect I wanted to bring forth. For the sake of narrative license I called him Manic Depressive, just for the freedom for me to give him any emotion any time I want.

I don't want to downplay or make light of anyone suffering from Bipolar or manic depression. I don't understand the depth of what you are going through, and I never really can. What I wanted with Arthur was emotional freedom found in emotional chaos. I do not feel my representation is above criticism, either. If anyone out there would like to send me your thoughts on Bipolar disorder and the way I am representing it please contact me. (I'm looking at you Brian, Hijo) I'd love for anyone struggling with Manic depression send me your thoughts, send me your stories. I just want to make Arthur really come alive to the reader on a very emotional level.

On one final note, I want to wish a very happy birthday to my little brother Dan, who's turned 28. Congratulations, man. Hope to see you very soon. Much love.

Since I wrote about Sylvia in the last entry, today I'll cover Dave. Dave is based on a conflict of ideas. Really all the characters are, but Dave especially. In writing for Dave I try to tap into what is, in essence, religious hypocrisy. Now Dave is Catholic, but it is not neccisarily hypocricy directed to Catholics alone. All religions, I feel, are laced with hypocracy. When you declare your works, whatever they may be, to being done in the name of God, well, all you really are is self righteous. I wanted to paint that self rightousness in Dave without being too heavy-handed against religion as an institution. Religion to Dave is very important, and very central to his life in two ways. Firstly he needs a way to convince himself that everything that has happened to him has happened for a reason, and second he needs a way to justify his life of lies and thievery by convincing himself to be part of the greater good. I feel that such a dualistic concept in the world today has led to discrimination, hatred and division. Without going that heavy-handed I wanted to portray religious concepts serving as a front to obfuscate the nature of pervasive selfishness. I don't want this to come off as a PSA, and I do honestly feel that while religion has many self-serving and even dangerous aspects I cannot argue against man's need for meaning and the ultimate, even divine purpose for all that we see, and all that we are.

Sylvia is an interesting character for me to write. I've based her off of several girls I have known throughout my life. I wanted her to be a step away from any concept of a heroine. I also wanted her behavior to be very girlish, with the glaring difference of her own voyeurism. My goal in creating the character is a believable girl who does something very out of character for girls, namely going through great pains to see naked guys. I've never seen great evidence that the female libido is that aroused by visual stimulation, as much as it is by emotional and tactile stimulation. By putting her as a voyeur who is isolated from doing anything but gawking at naked guys I think I did the duty of distancing her from a perceived feminine passive sexuality into a more masculine and active one. Among the criticisms I have received one of the most consistent has been from Sylvia's narration. Just writing the character of a teenage girl gives some readers the idea that I can only write my impression of a teenage girl, while others think I've gone too far in making her the realistically bubbly teen. Sylvia has always been and will always be a challenge for me to write, but I don't feel any unnatural or forced characterization when writing her. She's just like all those girls I've known when I was in High school and college. She's just that girl.

Since I did not release a chapter for the month of March, I suppose I should recognize that my biggest fault in writing this online novel is that I don't write it fast enough. This is a fault of my own character. I get sidetracked by things and put them down for way too long and come back to them only after they bothered me for being left undone long enough. Of all the things I feel guilty about over my creative process I feel most guilty about that. I want to be more task oriented, and be more consistent and devoted to writing the novel, but I just end up doing other things with my time, with the writing always bugging me in the back of my mind.

Here's how I see it really. A number of writers, and especially lyricists have this obsession about their material that they will walk around with a notebook and write down any idea that just pops in their head at the moments notice. They want to have this notebook so that they don't lose any ideas that might be breakthroughs. They'll come to the written notebook later to incorporate it into their work. My philosophy is the exact opposite. I don't jot down every idea that comes to my head I try to GET RID of as many of them as I can. Forget the instantaneous inspiration. Try to. Get those thoughts out of your head. What I want to write is what I can't get rid of. The ideas that won't go away, the thoughts that even after I've tried to divert myself away from them, they still hang about demanding to come out in writing. Sometimes it takes a bit for the force of (Not the moment of) inspiration to come out and force me to write.

Well, Last Day of February and I can't wait for srping to get underway.

I want to talk quickly about how I write the story. What are the "Books" that I have listed on the front page? Those are actual books. I have been buying composition notebooks for a long while now, and I hand-write every chapter as a first draft. This makes writing quick and easy, and I can do it any time I feel is right. What it also means is that by the time I've done the whole story I will have written it twice. I'm basically using that as my drafting technique. Ideas that I had that were great when I just scribbled them down need a little refinement before I'm willing to type them up. When the rough scribbled draft goes into the "Hard" Internet draft, I'm not just coming up with things off the top of my head, I'm trying to get a good balance of what feels good to read and what feels good to write. Incidentally, I just completed work in book 5, so tomorrow I have to go out an pick up another one for book 6. By the time I'm done with this it might end up looking like John Doe's book collection from the movie Se7en.

OK, a new chapter uploaded to The Three Weasels, and today I added this new blog feature. I'll try to give updates to readers as I go, answer any mails that come my way, just generally be more active towards readers. If you can see this right now, that means you. I don't have a topic for it today, but rest assured by my next update I should have some insight into what the hell I'm writing. Until then, enjoy.